Still waiting for my owl.

tiramiju:

zloi-medved:

MEANWHILE IN AUSTRALIA

BOBBLE-HEADED BIRDS

RABBITS MATING WITH RATS

TINY HERBIVOROUS BEARS

PLUSH TOYS MAGICALLY COME TO LIFE

LIZARDS-

 WHAT THE FUCK

WALKING FEATHER DUSTERS

THE FUCK IS THIS IDEK BUT IT DESERVES A HUG

THE MOST FABULOUS BIRDS SINCE FLAMINGOS

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING IT’S LIKE A DOG BRED WITH A MEERKAT

WELL IT’S PRETTY CUTE I G- JESUSFUCK

AND MORE LIZARDS

FUCK MAN EVERYWHERE HAS LIZARDS WHAT’S THE BIG D- WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK

AND WHATEVER THIS THING IS WILL FUCK UP A HONEY BADGER

WHAT YOU THINK CUZ IT’S LIKE 80% DESERT HERE WE DON’T GOT PENGUINS FUCK YOU WE GOT PENGUINS IN SWEATERS

HEY I THINK YOU SAW THIS ONE IN A MUSEUM ONCE

ALSO HEY ENJOY OUR BEAUTIFUL BEACHES ALSO THIS FUCKER

AND THIS GUY

AND THIS GUY WANTS TO KILL YOU TOO

AND HOLY FUCK LOOK AT THIS THING

JESUS CHRIST THEY COME IN POCKET VERSIONS

BACK TO THINGS THAT WANT YOU DEAD

WEREN’T EXPECTING THAT WERE YOU.

SO YEAH, COME VISIT AUSTRALIA.

WE’RE ALL FUCKING WAITING WITH OUR WEIRD SHIT.

P.S.

omg

(Source: fairy-wren, via theblackframedglasses)

(Source: holdmecloseandholdmefast, via lapetitenancy)

floatinghand:

bekuh:

pernillo:

fablecrack:

sageofmagic:

… Her long hair, still wet from the shower, had been combed down her back in a wet swath. Hilda was sitting on the floor, her round, wet boobs still wet from the shower’s water. She dried off the water with a towel, which then became wet.
Hilda gasped when she saw a reflection in her bedroom mirror: through the slightly open door, she caught a glimpse of the chiseled abs and square jaw of the mysterious stranger who shared her cabin. She stood and spun around, her breasts swinging heavily with the momentum. She grabbed the door and flung it open, revealing shirtless Torolf (which was seriously his name) quivering with desire in the hallway.
Torolf was ashamed at being caught, but his shame made him even hotter – hotter for sex. He stepped into the room, and his bulging abs accidentally smushed into Hilda’s rich chest.
As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.
“Hilda,” Torolf murmured thickly, his throbbing meat wand pressing against Hilda’s warm thighs. “There is a secret I need to not tell you: You are my forbidden desire.”
Hilda had been waiting to hear these words. Her heart was lifted on golden wings and soared toward a radiant sun of perfect joy. She saw herself and Torolf happy together, bathed in the golden light of love. Her snooch got all warm, too.
“Torolf,” Hilda moaned, her lush teats straining with desire. “I need you.”
Torolf, coarse abs pulsing softly in the moonlight, stood silently.
Hilda looked at him expectantly.
“Oh, sorry,” she added. “Torolf, I need you – sexually.”
At hearing those beautiful words, Torolf flexed his rough-hewn abs and Hilda found herself being guided to her soft bed by the sheer force of Torolf’s undulating midsection. She parted her thighs in anticipation, exposing the soft pink petals of her clunge.
Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.
Hilda clutched at the bedsheets with lust and ecstasy and her hands. Her spongy love mountains hurled to and fro with each pounding. Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.
Then Torolf moaned, arched his back, and suffered from dick Parkinson’s. He pumped in all of his hot pearlescent sperms as Hilda spasmed with so many orgasms!
The two lay still for a moment as the stinky scent of lovemaking billowed around the room.
Hilda got out of bed, still shimmering with orgasm. She glowed with contentment, like a cat who ate the cream of the crop.
She walked across the room and picked up her towel, still wet with shower water. “Torolf,” she said softly, “there’s something I have to tell you…”
But her bed was empty.
Torolf was gone, escaped out the bedroom window. In the distance, Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

Hilda heard the fading sound of galloping abs.

Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm

omg this is worse than any fanfiction I’ve ever read

loooool this is so bad how did it ever get published every single fanfic I’ve ever read is way better than this

(via lordmalfoy)